Monday, December 19, 2005

Christmas Crazy!!

I actually use the term Holiday.. So maybe I should change the title of this entry to Holiday Hoopla.

Was in Target the other day, who did I see staring at me from the toy box, but Idle Hands kid.

Yeah super model 5 year old. I am guessing he will get what ever he wants for xmas this year! And of course I am sure he will use the money to build his own planet! With the help of a talking t0ol bench anything is possible.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The world's ugliest sweater

Good Morning!! In the mood to go deer hunting? Well do I have a treat for you. I was lucky enough to walk out of the house with out letting my lovely bride notice that I wore the world's ugliest sweater.

Origins: Unknown

Was it a present, a thrift store find, who knows? A gift from the heavens probably. I usually only get out of the house wearing this maybe once a season.

Dad was right, we are nothing more than trailer trash, who happen to have a gas station named after them.

Believe it or not, we smell of deer urine!

Monday, November 14, 2005

Uh Huh!!!

Who said mechanics needed to know proper grammar & English?

Cat #1.
Cat #2
Dark and Stormy AV

So I thought about posting about how all my friends are trying to fuck each other (literally, figuratively, symbolically, and spiritually) and then freaking about said fucking action or maybe posting about the ingestion of drugs in public, or posting about how I have a lack of true male friends or about how bad I smell after not showering for 48 hours, but then I decided against it!

Instead, take a look at these photos I took with my mobile phone!

Jill likes to draw on her belly!

My niece, the bathing beauty!

Crucified and electrified!

Just crucified!

Driving to Pittsburgh!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Quote from a friend!

I shed a tear a moment ago when i read this. I liked it so much I had to immortalize it here.

  • "is ok little buddy. if i had a practice space i'd be in a band with ya and we could do drugz and write crazy person music!"

Even though it is full of bad grammar and some missspellings, the sentiment is there. I seriously did shed a tear.

Trading Spouses

Yeah I know!

Giving obese, ugly, American christians a bad name. Intolerant Ignorant Bitch. Funny stuff search for the video link.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Cats are Stupid

Yeah, they might fool 95% of the human population into thinking they are more intelligent than a MENSA member. But, I am onto them. They are no smarter than your common house fly and nothing more than good actors.

Check it!

and this!


Why can't i be in a band that produces fun interesting music?
These guys didnt feel the need to drink beer from a shoe to make the show more fun and interesting.


Tuesday, November 08, 2005


If this man tries to sell you a $100 belt, walk away slowly. Though he won't bite he might pass on his sense of style. (Which I have to say is quite stylish)
To bad the dam belt fell apart 2 weeks into owning it!

Monday, November 07, 2005

Bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny, I can't get you out of my mind!


also there is this:

That was not heart of Palm

Guess what I am back!

I think the title adequetly explains the look in the picture.

The Buffet at Bellagio is fine. Just don't try the Heart of Palm, you will truly be dissappointed.

Question do you still tip 15% to 20% if all the waitress did was bring you sodas and waters? (note to self & future tippers, I never had to ask for a refill)

Monday, July 11, 2005

picture on a blog....will it work

July 4th Celebration on July 2... so awesome....

the pool is filled with Ramen........wrestling in ramen ain't all that it is cracked up to be....

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

PaRTY party PartTY

Spent the July 4th Weekend drunk and happy..

Actually the word is buzzed, for I never lost my balance nor did I worship at the porcelin altar.

Shoes were sipped from, boobies were seen, trampolines were bounced on and Ramen wrestling was watched.

Those Killloggs/Dirtfarm folks sure know how to PArty.

I was also thoroughly educated on what it is to be a PUNK ROCK ARTIST by the one and only Elaine Clark, she's such a sweety, even if she woke with grass in her mouth.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Kids Rock Ethiopian Non Rock Casablanca

sidewalk chalk and water came together on saturday to form an amalgous mess of bleedy pinks, blues and yellows on the slate at Rock and Romp to the sounds of Gist, Carol Bui and Laura Burhenn, which was lost to superhero trio of Marcos, JP and Jake. Ideally the should have been thwarting the attacks on the hall justice by the stripped shirted villian. But alas every hero has his flaw, and their flaw just happened to be CHALK.
After much debate and cancelled movie plans the real kids decide to eat and drink ethiopian. While others decided to see a geriatric rcok band, I walked home to view Casablanca for the first time.

Thursday, May 26, 2005


Mommy blogs?
Comfy Clogs?
Lumpy Dogs?
Yummy Grogs?
Pass a log?

Have I entered a world of the domestic executive?

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Not only 'am I a geek, but a total LAMO!

I watched Amber and Rob's Wedding;

At least I didn't have a hard on, oh wait, nevermind :(

Monday, May 16, 2005

To all your questions!!!

I Just Don't Know Any More!!

In other news, I am geeking out on Wednesday by waiting in line for Star Wars, I have tickets and a light sabre that will hold my place in line..... Who is a geek? I am!!!!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Anti-Gas Pellets

Sorry for not posting but the last week or two have been hectic..
Both sets of parents in town.
Birthdays to plan (my own)
Rockshows to perform in..(We played the Make-out Party number 7.)

I have the odd habit of forgetting to eat dinner...Luckily, my girl Ginger(nickname pronounced he English way not the Gilligan island way) reminded me by calling at 10:30 to say she was gonna stay a little late at work.

With little options and no cash I decided to cook up the can of refried beans that had been staring me down the past couple of days.

Gassy foods and I (probably everyone as well) make for inconvenient smells, sounds and vapors. Luckily I remembered to ingest a couple of those new-fangled anti-gas pellets.

A night that should have been full of music, blandly moved forward with nary a sound or stink.

Three cheers for the anti-gas pellets!.....

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

we need a leader?

where have all our cultural leaders gone?

uncorrupted and not bought & sold by big business?

Why am I not a citizen any more?
Is anyone else sickened by the fact that our "leaders" now consider us as consumers and voting blocks and not american citizens?

we need a leader, who will be the first to use his empty Coke bottle as a Molotov Cocktail?
that'll be my leader, I'll gladly buy his shoes!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I'm on the phone, bitch!

This thing up to my ear is what is known as a phone. It allows people to communicate with each other over long distances. It is very difficult for me to understand what you are saying when I am on it talking about projects and the like with our colleagues.

Nice try with the, "I didn't see you were on it." Next time, look at me and I am sure you will notice the plastic handset placed up against my face. I'm not just talking to myself for fun...

Friday, April 22, 2005

Target Revisited

The people who don't watch Survivor, CSI and ER are weird... They tend to congregate at Target and buy smelly candles...

Note to self when shopping for smelly candles DO NOT place nose to candle in an attempt to smelly the plastic scent... Hundreds, if not thousand, have done the same thing before you arrived.....Thank goodness I never buy smelly candles...

Is it just me or do the new Star Wars action figures look like cheap black market knock offs of the originals???(circa 1978) what's the deal.........

Wednesday, April 13, 2005


So, wow, I am famous!!!
Not really...

I have been toiling away in this rock band for over a year now.

Saturday night, party time at Herr Docktor Doom's, in conversation with some one I had never met before she says to me
"I know you"
To which I reply
"oh really?"
"Are you in Shoddy Workmanship" (another band, that we have played with before).
I attempt to correct her by saying,
"Well no, put my band has played with them..."
Before I could finish my sentence she blurts out the $64,000 answer.

"THE BOLOPHONICS, oh I love you guys."

One word....


Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Ode to a little piece of plastic

Oh, tiny chunk of plastic
You're black and coarse and you felt like a boulder
My was I surprised when you fell from my ear onto my shoulder!

Monday, April 11, 2005

messing with the B O Double S

El Jefe has the perculiar Obsessive Compulsive routine of spray waxing the conference table and neatly organizing periodicals, outside my office, so that their edges run parallel to the desk edges. Little devil me decided to make sure that one of the periodicals was skewed. So far I have seen him pass my door 3 times to inspect said periodical.


... the Marburg/Ebola outbreak in Angola is not a good subject to chuckle about.

Then again I wasn't the one who was at work until 1:00 AM on a Sunday Night.

Come on now people, let me know when my grammar is awful.

The edit tool is quite useful.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Why you be hatin'?

First, I need to give a shout out to a random citizen, this angel is one of the few good peeps in the DC environ. Thanks for visiting and I hope you read/visit again.

Second, is it me or is there a lot of negativity in the good music out there. Fine example..Fine song.. Beats, they got them! Mu, why she so angry? Out of breach.

Have a good weekend!

The rock that didn't happen

playing a lizard lounge show is not ideal
first it's in Alexandria, the rockinist town ever (god I wish they created a sarcasm font.)
second it is a multi-level beer hall, where folks are more interested in getting their drink on to the sounds of Kenny Chesney (sic?) then listening to a bunch of indie poppers.
third the rock was certainly not going to be felt, we were opening for a supposed R&B band that has the same name as a congressman. Nothing says rock when you share the name of a congressman.

Coupe detat, is the only description I can give. The majority of the band (read the whole band) said lets drop the show.

Emails were exchanged with the promoter, and as it turns out he apologizes to us for putting us on a bill with a groop that sounds nothing like us. So he let us cancel at the last minute. Plus he promised to give us a couple more shows at a later date.

Now, granted that is a very generous thing for him to do, but it ain't like we are the Wedding Present or even Lejeune. Then again neither of those bands would be caught in shit hole like the Lizard Lounge.

Remind me sometime to tell you about their bathroom...

Thursday, April 07, 2005


so sick of being sick.

what's worse is... i'm not really sick, I am sure it is just a bad allergy problem to the new spores, molds, and pollen flying about. Luckily pressure in my head is not to bad. But my lungs are gunked up with fluid and snot.

sick so sick...

let's get sick is how I wanna spend my day.........I love you Matsumi Kanamori, erhmm and you to Maurice Fulton.

Thanks to Sucka for sending me the link to Congotronics, wow is all I can say.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Happiness is... (part deux)

...almost passing out in Ikea.

why is that happiness, you must ask?

It just means that I was in no condition to go to work the next day.
After calling the office to say I wouldn't be stumbling into work, I slept until 3:00PM and awoke just in time to view Judge Joe Brown and Judge Judy work their magic on the trailer trash of these United States.
Didn't even touch a computer until 5:00PM. At which point I wish I hadn't.

Happiness is not an electric drum set!!

Monday, April 04, 2005

Happiness is....

being seated at 2:25 PM in a restuarant that closes at 2:30 PM.

Thanks Sushi Aoi. We love you. Next time we will be sure to arrive sooner.

Why is it?

The bigger, the uglier and the older you are the amount of noxious perfume or cologne rises exponentially.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Belated April Fools

So its Saturday early evening and I am listening to music.

Gives me hope for monotone!

COPS is about to come on soon. I love COPS, I watch because I look forward to the possibility of seeing people I know running from the PO-PO. Living in North Carolina, New Mexico and Kentucky, you sure do meet a lot of interesting folks who will do anything to become famous.

My hats off to Sucka for pulling off a brilliant first of April prank. You are one of the only in DC to have an actual sense of humor, The Saviours be damned.

My hats off to Junebug McQueen for her most excellant first of April prank. All I can say is we're expecting around October 31. Happy Halloween!!

Never got into Helium, but Lucy is amazing!

Friday, April 01, 2005

Jerking off into the Connecticut River

I painfully sat through a story my boss told about a guy who on a regular basis masturbated into the Connecticut River, while on a bridge, making sure that his 'SEED' went downstream. Oddly enough the story morphed into a conversation about the inappropriate and unprofessional office behavior of our Methadone loving controller.

I feel as though I work on the set of THE OFFICE!

Thursday, March 31, 2005

oh to be 8, 9 or 10 again!

Had it and now I want it back!

Is it wrong...

... to choose a vulgarity as a password??

How do you make up your passwords? Old address, pet's birthdate?

Speaking of wrong, but it is oh so funny!!

And another thing, what is with good bar bands sounding like other more popular bands? The phenom of coldradioplayhead type bands is really lame. If your musicians are good, why not write something that sounds original???

I'm just mad 'cause Ginger was all about how cute their singer was. Turns out he was making moves. I found the concealed sticker she got, for free, from him. First Les Savy Fav and now Rantings of Eva!!! I mean come on Ginger stick with the bigger more establish Williamsburg Band, dont' slum around for the band from Georgia. Remember the last good thing to come out outa Georgia, shudder!

Another thing, what's with the three tiers of effects pedals.....Offender! It still sounds like a guitar!! And another thang lose the Flash on your website, it reaks of state fair wanna be. But your singer is hot, so you got one good thing going for you!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Legos, Absinthe and beer hunting

Friends of the us here at the Ninja Monkey Bat Cave HQ hold an annual beer hunt every easter (or as close to it as possible) since they both work in theatre it is usually the monday following easter.
I always look forward to visiting with Jim and Christine because they never stopped playing with legos. Jim has acquired enough Star Wars oriented legos to film another 3 episodes. I found myself on his couch with the various Star Wars space ships all assembled in their Lego goodness mimicking the sound or what I thought to be the sound of these imaginary intergalatic flyers. Oh the joy.....
Well as you guessed it instead of hunting for eggs, Jim and Christine took the time to hide alcoholic beverages around their tiny apartment for their guests to search. Yipppeee..... Imagine 7 people tearing apart their shoe box of an apartment in search of mini bottles of beer and hard liquor. Behind legos walls. Inside stuff animals. Behind books. Under couch cushions.

In reward for our fine hunting, not only did we get to keep the mini bottle of beer and liquor, but Jim treated us to Absinthe (ritual and all).

Nothing beats playing Star Wars with an Absinthe buzz.

Did I

Did I witness what I thought I just witnessed? An elephant and a baboon teasing a child by throwing peanuts at its head. I'm guessing the circus is in town.


sorry tammy scumbag!!

I read what you typed(wrote) and I had to share. Work for Idle hands is her blog, and I have to agree. So I blog.....

I am new to this Phenom..... and i think it might help me figure it out!

If only I knew what it was!

Monday, March 28, 2005

fatboy "ouch, my skillz are whack" slim

contrary to popular belief fatboy slim is not fucking in heaven...
we understand that there can be technical difficulties but some of your transitions sucked ass (not all, just some)

I still had fun

you can be my personal dj any day

Friday, March 25, 2005


this blogspot website is interesting..

but what is the point of this blog??

and I thought my grammar was bad, my nigga!

The moody goth english as a second language blog!

egg of the day, in spanish!

awesome, surfers who can write and draw! Probably not at the same time.


the office- is just a recasted version of the english show... I don't mind... Steve Carrel is probably the funniest person ever.

xtc's english settlement- I remember going to a Whalers game against the Bruins and my father refusing to listen to this album on the car ride. considering what else I was listening to at the time, i would think that the reprise would be welcomed.

terry schiavo- little known fact, she's a vegetarian.

the wedding- a year away and nothing as of yet planned, AWESOME!

Thursday, March 24, 2005


That's all until pay day!

Can I make the weekend?

Whom am I kidding? Of course I can, its not like I ever go out!

I have steaks in the freezer to get me by!


A place where people take their fat single friends shopping!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

where you at?, the whole city CAN HEAR YOU!!

What is up with the walkie talkies?

Cool when you're 7 years old while playing army man (which I did a lot of tween the ages of 6 and 15).
Needed if you are on a work site that requires communication without delay.

Un cool if you are wearing hi-heels, cargo pants or anything from the faux Louie Vitone line .

I don't need to know that Ray-Ray was sucking face with Tyronia at da club.
Other things I officially don't need to know:
Where you at?
Where your baby's daddy is at?
Amount of Rock Creek Cola needed for breakfast.
That Fat Arnold requires a 18 pack of Sunkist, a bag of doughnuts, 2 slim jims and a stick of butter.

Where you at?

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Monday, March 21, 2005

Stove Top Crack Maker

Ginger (pronounced GING-HER, its the British pronunciation), my fiance, thought as a Valentine Day present a Stove Top Crack Maker (Espresso Maker) would be the ultimate I LOVE YOU present. At the Ninja Monkey Bat Cave Headquarters we like our coffee strong and black, so in fact it was the ultimate I LOVE YOU present, albeit the platinum diamond thing on her finger should be the ULTIMATE.
Even after we agreed, months in advance, that due to budget restraints Valentine gifts would not be bought, she broke down and the gift was bought and we have enjoyed it almost everyday since.

Saturday, I experienced a coffee overdose.

Headaches mean NEED MORE COFFEE. Saturday I awoke with a killer headache that could only mean caffine withdrawal, so I started the morning with three cups of coffee at Reeve's. Returned home to clean up a mess (left by a departing 18 yr. old soon to be sister in-law, which I am sure will be covered in full later.), and proceeded to have 4 cups from Stove Top Crack Maker (Espresso Maker).

Needless to say by 10 PM, Saturday I was sick, I wasn't wired awake just sick. I spent Sunday sleeping off the headache that came with the withdrawal.

Monday morning I still have a headache. And my stupid NinjaMonkey3000 brain is telling me to "HAVE MORE COFFEE."

I happily oblige.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Gay Chicken

Is it all that it is cracked up to be???

Yes and then some.

As a spectator sport, it could be the best new sport since curling or arena football. I would definitly buy season tickets to see the mixed doubles or the Swedish Woman's Gay Chicken Team take on the club team from Goa, India "Goa Go-Go's" (their unique team uniforms of Go Go Boots and thongs could be big sellers at the local Moddels or Champs).

Yeah Gay Chicken.

BTW When playing versus a man in a kilt. The kilt always wins.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

ASS Problems at the Ninja Monkey Bat Cave Headquarters

After the midnight run to BUR (name of store changed to protect the innocent), for Preparation H for my lady friend, little did I know I would start to have some ass problems of my own. Luckily my anus is not popping blood vessels (thanks to South Beach). But over the past two days I have noticed an irritation low on my left ass cheek (think where the ass and the upper thigh meet, but more ass than thigh.)
Needless to say it appeared right where my ass hits the chair. My boney butt ain't helping either. It feels as though my ass bone is causing the irritation from the inside.

So anyway, I think my office chair needs to go. To lessen the pain I grabbed a throw pillow from the reception area's many couches.

Upon further investigation of the office chair it seems two ply burlap does not act as sufficent padding for comfort.

I know what you are thinking, what was the midnight run for Preparation H all about. That, ladies and gentleman, is for another time.

Feel free to correct my grammar, I am sure it sucks!

Blowing up Fish

Thanks Smith for making me remember Danny Kissling.

I just spent an hour Googling Danny Kissling to see if he is still calling in Bomb Threats and inserting firecrackers into helpless fish.

As a 12 year old I couldn't fathom the realities of what we did that day.

Now I am depressed, thinking back, to the poor poor helpless Sunnies as their faces exploded in mid-air to the delight of two 12 year olds. One clearly the follower (me) and the other an evil devil child who would eventually call in bomb threats because he was dared to.
Where is he now?

So this is a first attempt at a Blog!

Correct my grammar and stuff, if'n you wish!